From Jed Diamond, "Looking For Love in All the Wrong Places"
All of us have a healthy impulse to find love, but addictions take us away from genuine love. A summary of some of the differences between healthy love and addictive love can help us find the genuine love we all seek and desire.

Healthy love develops after we feel secure.
Addictive love tries to create love even though we feel frightened and insecure.

Healthy love is part of the human fabric. They cannot be separated.
Addictive love is highly distilled. We think we can separate "it" from people, whether "it" is sex or romantic intrigue.

Healthy love is unique. There is no "ideal lover."
Addictive love is stereotyped. There is always a certain type we are attracted to.

Healthy love is gentle and comfortable.
Addictive love is tense and combative.

Healthy love encourages us to be ourselves, to be honest from the beginning with who we are, including our faults.
Addictive love encourages secretes. We want to look good and put on an attractive mask.

Healthy love is satisfied with the partner we have.
Addictive love is always looking for more or better.

Healthy love is based on the belief that we want to be together.
Addictive love is based on the belief that we HAVE to be together.

Healthy love teaches that only we can make ourselves happy.
Addictive love expects that other person to make us happy and demands that we try to make them happy.

Healthy love creates life.
Addictive love creates melodrama.