Manhattan Relationship Solutions, Inc. - Relationship Counseling, Manhattan

Manhattan Relationship
Solutions, Inc.
271 Madison Ave.
Between 39th & 40th St.
Suite 1406
New York, NY 10016
USA
Phone
(732)763-1201
(646)269-7238
Click here to email

Co-dependence is a term that has been widely used in the last 10 years to describe relationships without clear boundaries. Although no longer in vogue, the concept of co-dependence provides a useful framework for examining how we interact in relationships with others. Our culture portrays romantic love, in songs, television, and movies, as being a relationship in which the partners are inseparable, are nothing without each other, and one in which each partner derives her/his very sense of self from the other. While portrayed as the ideal, this is actually a description of a very unhealthy relationship.

What is Co-dependency?

- My good feelings about who I am stem from being liked by you.

- My good feelings about who I am stem from receiving approval from you.

- Your struggles affect my serenity. My mental attention focuses on solving your problems or relieving your pain.

- My mental attention is focused on pleasing you.

- My mental attention is focused on protecting you.

- My mental attention is focused on manipulating you "to do it my way."

- My self-esteem is bolstered by solving your problems.

- My self-esteem is bolstered by relieving your pain.

- My own hobbies and interests are put aside. My time is spent sharing your interests and hobbies.

- Your clothing and personal appearance are dictated by my desires as I feel you are a reflection of me.

- Your behavior is dictated by my desires, as I feel you are a reflection of me.

- I am not aware of how I feel, I am aware of how you feel. I am not aware of what I want, I ask you what I want. If I am not aware, I assume.

- The dreams I have for my future are linked to you.

- My fear of rejection determines what I say or do.

- My fear of your anger determines what I say or do.

- I use giving as a way of feeling safe in our relationship.

- My social circle diminishes as I involve myself with you.

- I put my values aside in order to connect with you.

- I value your opinion and way of doing things more than my own.

- The quality of my life is in relation to the quality of yours.

*Published with permission from George Mason University Sexual Assault Services

If this describes you in your relationships, this is an area for potential growth. Becoming aware of it is the first, and most important step. After awareness comes the opportunity for change. By observing your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors in relationships, you can identify changes you would like to make. You can start practicing new behaviors. Friends and family members may resist or sabotage your attempts to change. It may be helpful to seek counseling to assist you in making changes in your style of interacting in relationships. Call us at (732)763-1201 or email info@manhattanrelationshipsolutions.com for an appointment.