Each of us has boundaries, some of which go unspoken, in many areas of our lives. We set boundaries in regard to physical proximity and touch, the words that are acceptable when we are spoken to, honesty, emotional intimacy (such as how much we self-disclose to others). When one or both people in a relationship have difficulty with boundaries, the relationship suffers. The following guidelines indicate a problem in setting and enforcing boundaries.

Signs of Unhealthy Boundaries

- Telling all.

- Talking at an intimate level on the first meeting.

- Falling in love with a new acquaintance.

- Falling in love with anyone who reaches out.

- Being overwhelmed by a person--preoccupied.

- Acting on the first sexual impulse.

- Being sexual for partner, not self.

- Going against personal values or rights to please others.

- Not noticing when someone invades your boundaries.

- Not noticing when someone else displays inappropriate
  boundaries.

- Accepting food, gifts, touch, sex that you don't want.

- Touching a person without asking.

- Allowing someone to take as much as they can from you.

- Letting others describe your reality.

- Letting others define you.

- Believing others can anticipate your needs.

- Expecting others to fulfill your needs automatically.

- Falling apart so someone will take care of you.

Published with Permission from George Mason University Sexual Assault Services & University of Northern Colorado Assault Survivors Advocacy Program.